Stans

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Stans
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A stan is an overzealous and overly devoted fan of a celebrity. The word stan is derived from the Eminem song of the same name.

A hater is like a stan, but a hater is overly devoted to being negative or trying to degrade or discredit a certain celebrity.

Stans will spend all day looking for news and videos because they want to know everything about their favorite as it happens.

Haters will spend all day looking for news and videos to leave negative comments because the whole world needs to know just how much they hate somebody. Haters will bring up the object of their disdain in topics and situations that usually have nothing to do with them.

Hate is often confused with kicking somebody while their down. Contrary to stan delusions, in order to be "hated on" you must be currently doing something worth hating on. It's not about what you could be doing or what you used to be doing. Also, you can't go start shit with stans, have them attack you and your favorite artist, and call that "hate". The hate must be organic, not as a response to you being a troll.

Some stans also believe that anything less than ass-kissing is hate.

Contents

Common Types of Message Boards Stans

The Hardcore Stan

Hardcore stans have a religious obsession with their favorite. They believe that their favorite artists is the greatest to ever do it, there was no life before them, and will be no life after them. Flop singles were buzz singles. Flop videos were "just for fans". Flop tour dates were really scheduling conflicts. You believe that album push backs are because they are still recording (not because the general public just doesn't give a damn). Hardcore stans believe in unicorns, pixie dust, the Easter Bunny, that Rihanna Reign, and Santa Claus. Hardcore stans are the reasons why celebrities have large, burly bodyguards with semi-automatic weapons.

Hardcore stans are important in generating enthusiasm but can also annoying because their over-zealousness can work against their favorite, especially when they interact with other stans.

The Hardcore Hater

Hardcore haters go through all of the trouble of registering on a message board, they have more posts than most hardcore stans, they always have something negative to say, they are contrary just for the sake of contrary, they never like anything, and their sole purpose seems to be to piss off stans.

Hardcore haters continually look for videos, news articles, or anything with a comment section so they can vent their frustration.

This shows that you are either unhappy with yourself or just bored if you have nothing else to do but ruin the stan experience for other people.

Undercover Agent

Undercover Agents aren't on message boards to socialize with other stans. They are there to defend and promote their TRUE favorite, post chart updates and sales information, and throw shade. Undercover Agents may seem dumb, but they are smart enough not to be so blatant that they get banned, because heaven forbid they find something better to do with their time than spending all day talking about somebody they dislike.

Undercover Agents are highly annoying, almost as much as hardcore haters. In actuality you don't get an ASCAP check for #1 singles, and LiveNation doesn't give you a percentage of tour profits, so registering to 90 different message boards to copy and and paste the same information shows that you are insecure about your favorite artist's current status. Your favorite artist should be great to you regardless of if stans of other artists agree or disagree with you.

Bandwagon Stans

Your like or dislike of an artist depends on how high they are on the charts because you can't like or dislike something without getting other people's reactions first. This shows that you are insecure about your tastes and don't have a mind of your own. Furthermore, it shows that you are afraid to express an opinion unless you know it will be co-signed by other people or unless it's something popular with the general public. You are probably a member of several different message boards but you act entirely different on each one.

Underground Railroad Stan

This is the exact opposite of a Fairweather Stan. Underground Railroad stans typically avoid anything that is popular and mainstream.

On message boards they will name drop every abstract, alternative, Unsung, pretentious, old school, neo-soul, BET-centric-ass known unknown artist but in at home they play B'Day and Good Girl Gone Bad like they're the last albums on earth.

Underground Railroad stans will talk all day about "real music". How no one sings "real music", how they miss "real music". In actuality there are too many types of people, genres, emotions, opinions, and experiences for there to be one standard definition of "real". What's "real" to me may not be real to you, and if current music disappoints you there's still plenty of older undiscovered music to be found.

It's okay to be aware and support obscure or underground artists but your like or dislike of art and artists should not be based on how popular or unpopular they are. When you approach entertainment in such a narrow-minded way you sell yourself short because not everything mainstream is bad and not everything underground is good.

Leapfrog Stan

Let's say it's 2002 and your favorite artists (in order) are:

  • 1. Janet Jackson
  • 2. Britney Spears
  • 3. Ashanti
  • 4. Beyonce

Now it's 2010, as far as the general public is concerned, that list has been reordered.

Leapfrog fans are upset because their #1 is no longer as hot as their #4. So to make themselves feel better they go around making shady comments as if it actually makes a damn difference.

  • Leapfrog Stans begin most sentences with "I'm a fan, but ____________". By saying this they feel that they can repeatedly shade certain artists and not be labeled a hater. If you constantly have to remind people that you're fan you may be in the wrong place.
  • Leapfrog fans never have any "criticism" for their #1, but can talk all day long about how #4 can improve.

It's obvious that they are not on the message board to socialize with other fans, but are merely there to throw shade and vent frustrations over the fact that your #4 has taken the place of your #1. As with Bandwagon Stans, Leapfrog Stans are probably members of several different message boards but they act entirely different on each one.

Dead Bird Stan

You ever wondered why a dog brings dead animals in the house? You ever wonder certain stans always bring negative articles or comments back to message boards?

  • The "Dead Bird" stan posts hateful or negative comments or articles about their "favorite" artist hoping other stans will jump on it.

In reality, a Dead Bird stan has nothing to do but troll the internet looking for hate. In some cases they may not be true fans at all, just Undercover Agents.

The Know-It-All Stan

  • The "Know It All" speaks as if he/she knows their favorite artists personally.
  • The "Know It All" speaks as if they have some secret source, some inside information, or some freshly brewed tea.
  • The "Know It All" never starts a sentence with "I think...", "I heard..." or "In my opinion...". The "Know It All" always speaks as if what they are saying is absolute proven fact.
  • The "Know It All" usually types in long paragraphs knowing good and well stans won't read anything over 2 sentences.
  • The "Know It All" prides themselves on being able to be the first to break news, or being able to say they know something that most people don't know...

In reality, Know-It-All stans don't know shit, or knows no more than the average fan. They have taken trivial facts they know, mixed it with stories they heard, added some assumptions and delusions and tried to pass it all off as proven fact.

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