From Stan Wars
The Hater Version of the Truth
Lady Gaga was born Stefani Joanna Germotti, eldest daughter of Satan, on March 28, 1986. She attempted to make an entire career out of being a fag hag and a Madonna drag impersonator, but the general public quickly became tired of her antics.
If covering yourself in crazy glue and rolling around in random items stolen from Madonna’s garbage is talent, then Gaga is by far the most talented artist of her generation. Her entire career is basically one gigantic Madonna-inspired game of Mad Libs --- blah, blah, offensive religious imagery, blah blah, Italian, blah blah, Cathloic, blah, blah pander to the gays. She even has a song called "Black Jesus"...
What kills me the most about Mister Gaga, is that she can get on stage wearing a cone bra, a Like a Virgin wedding dress with a bootlegged Blond Ambition Tour DVD in her hand and then say “Oh, I wasn’t inspired by Madonna. I was inspired by David Bowie and Whitney Houston and Kermit the Frog and all of the obscure New York City street artists, and German fashion and all of the transgendered handicapped bullied orphans in Cambodia who marched for AIDS."
She’ll never be Madonna. Madonna actually managed to produce 10 years of legitimate pop hits before taking the self-indulgent, mainstream-repellent risk, which almost damaged her career and Gaga can have several seats --- preferably one of the ones she had to discount during her "Flop This Way" World Tour.
I’m not going to lie. I used to bop to The Fame and I had high hopes for Gaga, then she started doing unnecessary shit like talking directly to her gay fans, and pushing this empowerment/anti-bullying crap.
I DON'T WANT TO BE EMPOWERED!
Why can't she be like other female pop stars? Don't empower the gays. Use them for their fashion, their slang, their choreography, their culture and their money while never acknowledging them or giving them anything back; and 20 years from now she'll be richer while the majority of her gay fans (the ones who are still alive) will be in the same place they are today.
Stop trying to boost my self-esteem and get your amorphously shaped ass in the studio and do something generic!
The Stan Version of The Truth
In the beginning, when Gaga created the heavens and the earth, music was a formless void and darkness covered with basic, untalented bitches.
Then Gaga said, let there be light and there was light.
And then Gaga said let there be pop music and there was pop music.
And then she said, let there be homosexuals and about 6 of them appeared out of the mist, twirling glow sticks while “Judas” played in the background.
And Gaga gathered dust and Metamucil from the ground, blew into its nostrils and thus Madonna was born.
And Gaga took one of Madonna’s ribs and made Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.
And Gaga took a magical wig, washed it in unicorn tears and thus Beyonce was born.
And Gaga took one of Beyonce’s used tampons and spit on it, and thus Rihanna was born.
Gaga then created the moon, the sun, the stars and the galaxies. She created the heavens, the earth, wind, fire, water and Earth, Wind and Fire. She created concerts, music videos MTV, VH1, BET, CMT, MTV2, MTV Tres, MTV Jams, MTV Europe, MTV Japan, MTV Compton, MTV Denver and MTV Alabama. She created the Grammys, the VMAs, the BET Awards, The American Music Awards, the Native American Music Awards,, dance music, techno, dubstep, 2- step, electro, techno, eletro-techno, techno-electro, electrostep dub-technostep and Ciara's 1, 2 Step.
Talent & Musical Style
Lady Gaga does not copy, steal, nor do other pop artists influence her. Although she created pop music, pop music itself is boring. She is a true artist and is 100% original. She is so original that she gave birth to herself.
Resources For New Gaga Stans
Advantages of Stanning For Lady Gaga
Gaga is more talented, more iconic, more acclaimed, more famous and her vagina is more sanitary than 99% of her peers. None of her peers could have survived the Born This Way era, let alone sold out stadiums on multiple continents with it and you can all remain ugly, poor and distraught about it.
Disadvantages of Stanning For Lady Gaga
Gagaloo doesn’t always play it safe --- visually or musically --- so stanning for her requires a bit more patience --- particularly when you’re dealing with stans (and artists) who live from trend to trend just to stay temporarily popular and whose entire existence is based on doing whatever they have to do to get validation from others.
If you spend hours of your adult life arguing about your favorite artist’s accomplishments and an artist comes along and surpasses 99% of those accomplishments within the span of 2 years, it’s easy to feel upset, pressed and angry. To put it simply, like her good sis Beyonce, Gaga has raised the bar and some stanbases want her to fall off so that the bar can be lowered again.
Also, stans of other artists may view both Gaga and her stans as annoyingly pretentious. For some fans, constantly reminding them that they are gay (or different) takes away from the fantasy of stanning for a female artist in the first place. Gaga may have thought she was being empowering by writing a song about self-acceptance, but she didn't realize that certain gay pop music fans could care less about songs that told them that it was okay to be gay, particularly when they spend most of their day living through the lives and achievements of straight women.
How To Throw Shade Like A Gaga Stan
In order to properly throw shade like a Gaga stan, your shade needs to be formatted correctly.
All good Monster shade has a greeting, a body and a closing.
“You diseased, aborted crack baby,
Lady Gaga has more talent and impact in her pinky toe, then that sperm-slurping flop that you stan for has in her whole overused body. I would continue dragging you for filth, but like your T-cell count, my interest in this conversation is running low.