Britney Spears

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Britney Spears
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Contents

Artist Bio

Britney Spears is a singer [citation needed] and actress. She is one of the most is one of the most commercially successful singers dancers entertainers persons with a recording contract of all time. According to Stanscan she has sold more than 100 million albums, singles, videos, DVDs, VHS tapes, ringtones, and ringbacks, around the world.

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Britney as a toddler.

She got her start on Star Search and the Mickey Mouse Club. At the age of 17, riding the Teen Pop wave, she embarked on a career as a recording artist.

And then all types of wig-snatching hell broke loose.

After a 6 year record-breaking streak of hit records and sold-out tours, Britney went through a period that Lidnsey Lohan refers to has “The College Years”. When you are young adult you are allowed to party, experiment with drugs and alcohol, cat around with other women's husbands, and make questionable parenting choices because eventually you find your way. Most of us have that period of time to fuck, suck, and snort whatever we want before we are forced to pull it together and become responsible adults. However, when you are a teen star you are not given that same time. People forget that you are more than just an entertainer, you are an empire. People pay their mortgages and put their kids through school based on your work. There's no time to party, or make the kind of mistakes that "normal" young adults make.

This period was a dark one for her. The Associated Press even had an obituary pre-written for Britney, but in 2008 her father gained conservatorship of Britney's personal and business affairs. As a testament to the power of her fan base and her impact as a modern-day pop icon, Britney was able to return to music, scoring good reviews, respectable sales and the highest-grossing tour of her career.

Career Highlights

  • 16 Teen Choice Awards including the Ultimate Choice Career Achievement Award. Fuck all of your Grammys.
  • 1 Grammy.
  • 60 Quadrillion album sold around the world.
  • 2 Diamond Albums
  • One of the fastest-selling singles in iTunes History
  • The Circus Tour becoming one of the highest grossing tours in history.
  • Staying awake throughout most of the Circus Tour
  • Twitter followers
  • Facebook Friends
  • Yahoo Search popularity
  • Highest Paid Judge on Reality TV (J. Lo and Xtina are still looking for ways to deal)

Iconic Moments

Britney has had a very eventful career, but these are the Britney moments that had the biggest impact on the general public:

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Most Memorable Performances

Britney has performed on stages around the world, but these are the Britney performances that had everyone talking the next day:

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Performance Style

What Britney Stans Think She Does On Stage

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What Britney Haters Think She Does On Stage

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What Britney Actual Does on Stage

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Britney Stans

The Core Britney Spears Stan Demographic

White twinks, medium-build Latinos and a smattering of wayward Negroes ages 17-34. They will pursue careers that require a strong aptitude in either the creative arts, project management, female impersonation or anal dilation. They are an extremely patient, encouraging and optimistic group of people and would make excellent parents to children with severe physical disabilities.

Why Her Stans Love Her

Anything that she lacks in talent she made up for in sweetness and gumption. Her music has remained ageless and accessible to younger stans (30 year old Britney is just as interested in getting finger-banged on the dance floor as 19 year old Britney was).

Why Other Stanbases Don't Like Britney Stans

Britney stans have extremely high standards -- when it comes to other artists. If Katy Perry's hair is parted incorrectly and her lipstick doesn't match her shoes, Britney stans will write a 34-page review about how sloppy and basic Katy Perry is. But if Britney collapses in puddle of her own vomit then Britney is slaying and anyone says differently are haters.

Biggest Misconception About Her Stans

The biggest misconception about Britney stans is that they are brain-dead, illiterate, and generally dumb. This is untrue. A significant portion of Britney stans are creative, well-educated and intelligent individuals; and they have very important jobs. (Example: The Rolling Stone review department and the MTV News department)


How To Talk Like a Britney Spears Stan

Talking like a Britney Spears stan requires you to repeatedly abuse and misuse of the words "epic" "slay" and "legend". You must also get excited over the smallest bit of effort (or no effort at all).

Example:

"Did you see Britney on the Billboard Awards? SHE SLAYYYYYYED THAT PERFORMANCE! She walked out pissed on herself, and ran off stage. EPIC!

She's such a legend she didn't even have to move her lips to the music. Only legends can do that! I bet those Gaga stans were PRESSED!

SHE'S SUCH A LEGENDARY LEGEND!

LEGENDY SPEARS >>>>>> Your Favorite

Britlexia

Britney Spears stans suffer from condition called Britlexia. Britlexia is a learning disability that impairs a stan's ability to understand simple logic and read basic English. Even though their reading comprehension is poor they are still able to read record sales, ticket sales, and can understand the word "sold out". This makes reading reviews and critiques difficult, but has no effect on reading 10-year old sales stats.

Example of Britlexia:

Read this paragraph:

Britney appeared last night in Atlanta as apart of a 100-date tour. She appeared three hours late and once she took the stage she drooled on herself, picked her nose, and flicked boogers at people in the front row. She also fell asleep 3 times and urinated on the stage. The sold out crowd, some of whom paid $500 a ticket, began to walk out within 20 minutes. It estimated that the tour will gross over $100 million.


This is how the paragraph appears to a person with Britlexia:

❚❚❚❚❚❚❚100-date tour ✤✶✷✸✹✺✻$500 a ticket❤❤❤$100 million.

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