Britney Spears

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Britney Spears
britney-spears.jpg

Britney Spears is one of the most commercially successful singers dancers entertainers persons with a recording contract of all time. According to Stanscan she has sold more than 100 million records around the world.


Contents

Artist Bio

Britney was a wunderkind who cut her teeth on Star Search and the Mickey Mouse Club. At the age of 17, riding the Teen Pop wave, she embarked on a career as a recording artist. The singing was meh...the dancing was halftime at the Knicks, but like Madonna and Janet before her, Britney's charisma and stage presence was able to take her where natural singing and dancing ability failed her.

After a 6 year record-breaking streak of hit singles and sold-out tours, Britney went through a period that Lidnsey Lohan refers to has “The College Years”. When you are young adult you are allowed to party, experiment with drugs and alcohol, cat around with other women's husbands, and make questionable parenting choices because eventually you find your way. Most of us have that period of time to fuck, suck, and snort whatever we want before we are forced to pull it together and become responsible adults. However, when you are a teen star you are not given that same time. People forget that you are more than just an entertainer, you are an empire. People pay their mortgages and put their kids through school based on your work. There's no time to party, or make the kind of mistakes that "normal" young adults make.

This period was a dark one for her. The Associated Press even had an obituary pre-written for Britney, but in 2008 her father gained conservatorship of Britney's personal and business affairs. Shortly afterward, by the grace of Paxil and Pro-Tools she was able to release an album and mount a tour. Yes, Lady Gaga was the new Saltine Du Jour, but Britney was able to come back to respectable album sales and a high-grossing tour.

Clap for her.

Britney Spears Stans

You would think stanning for someone who hit absolute rock bottom would make you sympathetic, humble, and aware that success can be taken away as quickly as it is came, but some Britney stans insist on being illiterate, delusional, stan war terroists. On the plus side, they are devoted, loyal, creative, not quite as bad as Christina Aguilera stans.

Britney stans are a key component and major player in stan wars. Because Britney remains unsurpassed (commercially) in a lot of areas, and she is a pop icon, her stans are a difficult bunch to beat.

Britlexia

Britney Spears stans suffer from condition called Britlexia. Britlexia is a learning disability that impairs a stan's ability to understand simple logic and read basic English. Even though their reading comprehension is poor they are still able to read record sales, ticket sales, and can understand the word "sold out". This makes reading reviews and critiques difficult, but has no effect on reading 10-year old sales stats.

Example of Britlexia:

Read this paragraph:

Britney appeared last night in Atlanta as apart of a 100-date tour. She appeared three hours late and once she took the stage she drooled on herself, picked her nose, and flicked boogers at people in the front row. She also fell asleep 3 times and urinated on the stage. The sold out crowd, some of whom paid $500 a ticket, began to walk out within 20 minutes. It estimated that the tour will gross over $100 million.


This is how the paragraph appears to a person with Britlexia:

����❚❚❚❚❚❚❚���������100-date tour����� ��✤✶✷✸✹✺✻$500 a ticket���❤❤❤���$100 million.


Although named for Britney Spears stans, several other stan groups suffer from Britlexia (most notably Rihanna and Janet Jackson stans).

Stan War Ammunition

  • Album sales
  • Tour Ticket receipts
  • Twitter followers
  • Facebook Friends
  • Yahoo Search popularity (seriously...)
  • Christina Aguilera's career

Stan War Weaknesses

  • Criticism about Lip-Syncing
  • The notion that she dances like a arena football league cheerleader who had a hip replacement.
  • The entire "breakdown" period
  • Questionable artistic achievement/contributions
  • Crackhead Jokes (so uncouth...)
  • Sporadic Hot 100 Singles Success
  • The fact that Gaga has a firm grip on her wig.

Stan War With Christina Stans

Britney & Christina have always had a Marcia Brady/Jan Brady relationship in regards to publicity and mainstream attention. No matter what Christina did or how loud she yelled sang people always seemed more interested in what Britney was doing.

Britney stans have also engaged in Stan War battles with Beyonce stans, Gaga stan, Rihanna stan, or anyone perceived to be a threat to Britney's 1999 sales legacy.

Stan Alliance with Beyonce & Gaga Stans

In 2010 several Britney stans, Beyonce stans and Gaga stans formed alliance to drag Christina Aguilera's bloody abortion of an album "Bionic". This was known as the Bionic Massacre.

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