Britney Spears

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Britney Spears
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Contents

Artist Bio

Britney Spears is a singer [citation needed] and actress. She is one of the most is one of the most commercially successful singers dancers entertainers persons with a recording contract of all time. According to Stanscan she has sold more than 100 million albums, singles, videos, DVDs, VHS tapes, ringtones, and ringbacks, around the world.


She got her start on Star Search and the Mickey Mouse Club. At the age of 17, riding the Teen Pop wave, she embarked on a career as a recording artist. After a 6 year record-breaking streak of hit singles and sold-out tours, Britney went through a period that Lidnsey Lohan refers to has “The College Years”. When you are young adult you are allowed to party, experiment with drugs and alcohol, cat around with other women's husbands, and make questionable parenting choices because eventually you find your way. Most of us have that period of time to fuck, suck, and snort whatever we want before we are forced to pull it together and become responsible adults. However, when you are a teen star you are not given that same time. People forget that you are more than just an entertainer, you are an empire. People pay their mortgages and put their kids through school based on your work. There's no time to party, or make the kind of mistakes that "normal" young adults make.


This period was a dark one for her. The Associated Press even had an obituary pre-written for Britney, but in 2008 her father gained conservatorship of Britney's personal and business affairs. Shortly afterward, by the grace of Paxil and Pro-Tools she was able to come back to respectable album sales and a high-grossing tour.

Performance Style

Imagine a huge $50 million stage, pyrotechnics, special effects, elaborate costumes, high-tech lighting, and 80 dancers.

The lights go down and Britney makes a dramatic entrance, rising from underneath the stage in a cloud of smoke.

She looks at the crowd of screaming fans, then lies down and takes a nap for 2 hours.

Tickets are $1000 a piece and you will deal.

Career Highlights

  • 16 Teen Choice Awards including the Ultimate Choice Career Achievement Award
  • One untelevised Grammy.
  • Massive album sales from her first 2 releases.
  • 2 Diamond Albums
  • 4 #1 singles
  • One of the fastest-selling singles in iTunes History
  • The Circus Tour becoming one of the highest grossing tours in history.
  • Staying awake throughout most of the Circus Tour
  • Twitter followers
  • Facebook Friends
  • Yahoo Search popularity
  • Consistently punching down Christina Aguilera's career without ever having to sing live

Career Inspirations

  • Paula Abdul
  • Janet Jackson
  • Milli Vanilli
  • The Tampa Bay Lightning Arena Football Cheerleading Squad

How To Talk Like a Britney Spears Stan

Talking like a Britney Spears stan requires you to repeatedly abuse and misuse of the words "epic" "slay" and "legend". You must also get excited over the smallest bit of effort (or no effort at all).

Example:

"Did you see Britney on the Billboard Awards? SHE SLAYYYYYYED THAT PERFORMANCE! She walked out pissed on herself, and ran off stage. EPIC!

She's such a legend she didn't even have to move her lips to the music. Only legends can do that! I bet those Gaga stans were PRESSED!

SHE'S SUCH A LEGENDARY LEGEND!

LEGENDY SPEARS >>>>>> Your Favorite

How To Piss Off a Britney Stan

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Britlexia

Britney Spears stans suffer from condition called Britlexia. Britlexia is a learning disability that impairs a stan's ability to understand simple logic and read basic English. Even though their reading comprehension is poor they are still able to read record sales, ticket sales, and can understand the word "sold out". This makes reading reviews and critiques difficult, but has no effect on reading 10-year old sales stats.

Example of Britlexia:

Read this paragraph:

Britney appeared last night in Atlanta as apart of a 100-date tour. She appeared three hours late and once she took the stage she drooled on herself, picked her nose, and flicked boogers at people in the front row. She also fell asleep 3 times and urinated on the stage. The sold out crowd, some of whom paid $500 a ticket, began to walk out within 20 minutes. It estimated that the tour will gross over $100 million.


This is how the paragraph appears to a person with Britlexia:

����❚❚❚❚❚❚❚���������100-date tour����� ��✤✶✷✸✹✺✻$500 a ticket���❤❤❤���$100 million.

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