Britney Spears

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==Artist Bio==
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==The Stan Version of The Truth==
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'''Britney Spears''' is a singer <sup>[citation needed]</sup> and actress. She is one of the most is one of the most commercially successful <s>singers</s> <s>dancers</s> <s>entertainers</s> persons with a recording contract of all time. According to Stanscan she has sold more than 100 million albums, singles, videos, DVDs, VHS tapes, ringtones, and ringbacks, around the world.
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===Artist Bio===
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She got her start on Star Search and the Mickey Mouse Club. At the age of 17, riding the Teen Pop wave, she embarked on a career as a recording artist. After a 6 year record-breaking streak of hit singles and sold-out tours, Britney went through a period that Lidnsey Lohan refers to has “The College Years”. When you are young adult you are allowed to party, experiment with drugs and alcohol, cat around with other women's husbands, and make questionable parenting choices because eventually you find your way. Most of us have that period of time to fuck, suck, and snort whatever we want before we are forced to pull it together and become responsible adults. However, when you are a teen star you are not given that same time. People forget that you are more than just an entertainer, you are an empire. People pay their mortgages and put their kids through school based on your work. There's no time to party, or make the kind of mistakes that "normal" young adults make.
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Britney Spears is a pop legend who is of equal talent, impact and influence as Michael Jackson and Madonna and her first two albums outsold your fave’s entire discography.  
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This period was a dark one for her. The Associated Press even had an [http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/22727961 obituary pre-written for Britney], but in 2008 her father gained conservatorship of Britney's personal and business affairs. Shortly afterward, by the grace of Paxil and Pro-Tools she was able to come back to respectable album sales and a high-grossing tour.
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Britney was raised in Kentwood, Louisiana. She was a very happy and energetic child because she knew that one day her first two albums would outsell your fave’s entire discography.  
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==Performance Style==
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When she was 11 years old, she joined the cast of the Mickey Mouse club with Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera and Ryan Gossling, who would all go on to become superstars while Britney went on to have two albums that outsold your fave’s entire discography.
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Imagine a huge $50 million stage, pyrotechnics, special effects, elaborate costumes, high-tech lighting, and 80 dancers.  
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When Britney was 17 years old, she released her debut album, the first of two albums that has outsold your fave’s entire discography.
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The lights go down and Britney makes a dramatic entrance, rising from underneath the stage in a cloud of smoke.  
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For the next decade, she would establish herself as a bonafide pop icon with two albums that outsold your fave’s entire discography.  
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She looks at the crowd of screaming fans, then lies down and takes a nap for 2 hours.  
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Today she continues to record and perform, but now divides her time between hosting the American version of X-Factor and raising her two beautiful children --- one child for each album that has outsold your fave’s entire discography.
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Tickets are $1000 a piece and you will deal.
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===Talent & Musical Style===
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==Career Highlights==
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Britney is an amazing entertainer whose vocal talent is rivaled only by Aretha Franklin and whose dancing is rivaled only by Michael Jackson. As far as musicianship, she played piano in concert that one time on that one song so that makes her just as good (if not, better) than Stevie Wonder.
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*16 Teen Choice Awards including the Ultimate Choice Career Achievement Award
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===Impact/Achievements===
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* One untelevised Grammy.
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* Massive album sales from her first 2 releases.
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* 2 Diamond Albums
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* 4 #1 singles
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* One of the fastest-selling singles in iTunes History
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* The Circus Tour becoming one of the highest grossing tours in history.
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* Staying awake throughout most of the Circus Tour
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* Twitter followers
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* Facebook Friends
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* Yahoo Search popularity
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* Consistently punching down Christina Aguilera's career without ever having to sing live
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==Career Inspirations==
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As far as pop stars are concerned the only artists on Britney’s level are Michael Jackson and Madonna. Britney’s career has been one iconic and impactful moment after another. The schoolgirl outfit --- everybody wore one, the red latex catsuit --- everybody was wearing one. She’s such an iconic impactful icon with a lot of impact and iconicness.
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* Paula Abdul
 
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* Janet Jackson
 
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* Milli Vanilli
 
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* The Tampa Bay Lightning Arena Football Cheerleading Squad
 
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==How To Talk Like a Britney Spears Stan==
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Talking like a Britney Spears stan requires you to repeatedly abuse and misuse of the words "epic" "slay" and "legend". You must also get excited over the smallest bit of effort (or no effort at all).
 
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'''Example:'''  
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{{Infobox
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|name        = Britney Spears
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|bodystyle    = float:right; valign:top;
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|title        = Britney Spears
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|titlestyle  =
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|image        = http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britneyhater.jpg
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|imagestyle  =
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|caption      =
 +
|captionstyle =
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|headerstyle  = background:#ccf;
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|labelstyle  = background:#ddf;
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|datastyle    = text-align:right;
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|header1 =
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}}
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==The Hater Version of the Truth==
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 +
===Artist Bio===
 +
 
 +
Britney Spears was a popular American entertainer. It is presumed that in 2006 she either died or ran away from her money-hungry money record label and fled to Africa where she now lives quietly with the [http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britney/bushpeoplebritney.jpg bush people of Botswana].
 +
 
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Her team had planned to announce her death and get those Michael Whitney Winehouse Jackson sympathy sales, but they realized that over the course of the previous years, something strange had happened. Although the millions of teenage girls who had stanned for Britney had moved on, their power-bottom younger brothers had found their thrown away CD's and became Britney stans themselves. Once Britney’s team realized there were hundreds of millions of dollars to be made from these cock-hungry pillow biters, they knew they couldn't announce Britney's death.
 +
 
 +
But how could they have Britney concerts, albums and videos without Britney actually there?
 +
 
 +
They called the people who made the 2Pac hologram and the people who designed the puppets on Sesame Street and, to make a long story short, for the past 7 years, the Britney we’ve seen on TV and in concert has been a series of holograms, life-sized puppets and body doubles.
 +
 
 +
That's why Britney is working on X-Factor where she gets to sit for most of the show (so you can't see Demi Lovato and Simon Cowell working the controls that make her mouth and eyeballs move.)
 +
 
 +
===Impact/Achievements===
 +
 
 +
Her complete and utter lack of talent has opened the doors for other untalented bimbos to be able to release albums and have armies of mindless tone-deaf teens and queens stan for them. I guess that’s impact.
 +
 
 +
===Talent & Musical Style===
 +
 
 +
Britney stains like to use her knee injury as an excuse for her current lack of talent. Let’s have a brief history lesson:
 +
 
 +
* In 1990, Gloria Estefan was in a horrific bus accident, which fractured her spine and required extensive surgery and physical rehabilitation. Less than a year later, she was back on tour.
 +
 
 +
* In 2007, Chris Brown twisted his ankle playing basketball <s>or stomping Rihanna or something</s>, yet he was able to do this:
 +
 
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http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britney/chrisbrownflip.gif
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* In 2001, Usher fell in rehearsal, dislocated his shoulder and had to have surgery. Four months later he was doing this:
 +
 
 +
http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britney/littlesuperstar.gif
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* In 2011, Beyonce was five months pregnant with our Savior and that whore was able to sing live, dance in heels and do this:
 +
 
 +
http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britney/twerk1.gif
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* Madonna is 392 years old (I don’t even think she has knee caps anymore) and she still singing and dancing better than girls in their 20’s:
 +
 
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http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britney/grandmausher.gif
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Now, I’m not Dr. House and I don’t have Britney’s medical records and I know that not all injuries are the same, but the knee injury story sounds like yet another chapter in the ''Britney Spears Stan Big Book of Excuses'' to try justify why she currently dances likes Stephen Hawking and hasn’t sang live since the Clinton Administration.
 +
 
 +
And since refills on soft drinks are free, let me pour you some more tea:
 +
 
 +
She wasn’t ''that'' great of an entertainer to begin with.
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''"Did you see Britney on the Billboard Awards?  SHE SLAYYYYYYED THAT PERFORMANCE! She walked out pissed on herself, and ran off stage. EPIC!
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http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britney/siptea1.gif
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She's such a legend she didn't even have to move her lips to the music. Only legends can do that! I bet those Gaga stans were PRESSED!
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==Resources For New Britney Stans==
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SHE'S SUCH A LEGENDARY LEGEND!
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===Advantages of Stanning For Britney ===
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LEGENDY SPEARS >>>>>> Your Favorite''
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Did I mention that her first two albums outsold your fave’s entire discography?
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==How To Piss Off a Britney Stan==
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===Disadvantages of Stanning For Britney===
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http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britney/gaga_haters.gif
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Britney doesn't sing or dance that much anymore (or show many other human attributes), so be prepared for a bunch stans trying to throw shade at Britney's current state.  
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http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britney/gaga.jpg
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She is a pop icon and she ''should'' get credit for time served, but in the fickle  “What have you done for me lately?” stan culture some of Britney’s so called “fans” are quick to jump ship in favor of artists who are slightly more popular, but don’t have half of Britney’s achievements and impact.
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http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/beyonce/andyouwilldeal.gif
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===Britlexia===
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http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britney/adele.jpeg
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===How To Throw Shade Like A Britney Stan===
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http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britney/britney.jpg
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I guess you could say something like “My fave’s first two albums outsold your fave’s…
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http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britney/bald.jpg
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You know what…never mind.
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http://www.stan-wars.com/mediawiki/images/britney/whitecastle.png
 
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==Britlexia==
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===Britlexia===
Britney Spears stans suffer from condition called '''Britlexia'''. Britlexia is a learning disability that impairs a stan's ability to understand simple logic and read basic English. Even though their reading comprehension is poor they are still able to read record sales, ticket sales, and can understand the word "sold out". This makes reading reviews and critiques difficult, but has no effect on reading 10-year old sales stats.
Britney Spears stans suffer from condition called '''Britlexia'''. Britlexia is a learning disability that impairs a stan's ability to understand simple logic and read basic English. Even though their reading comprehension is poor they are still able to read record sales, ticket sales, and can understand the word "sold out". This makes reading reviews and critiques difficult, but has no effect on reading 10-year old sales stats.
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===Example of Britlexia:===
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'''Example of Britlexia:'''
'''Read this paragraph:'''
'''Read this paragraph:'''
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'''This is how the paragraph appears to a person with Britlexia:'''
'''This is how the paragraph appears to a person with Britlexia:'''
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����❚❚❚❚❚❚❚���������100-date tour�����
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❚❚❚❚❚❚❚100-date tour
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��✤✶✷✸✹✺✻$500 a ticket���❤❤❤���$100 million.
+
✤✶✷✸✹✺✻$500 a ticket❤❤❤$100 million.

Latest revision as of 14:14, 27 March 2013

Britney Spears
britneystan.jpg

Contents

The Stan Version of The Truth

Artist Bio

Britney Spears is a pop legend who is of equal talent, impact and influence as Michael Jackson and Madonna and her first two albums outsold your fave’s entire discography.

Britney was raised in Kentwood, Louisiana. She was a very happy and energetic child because she knew that one day her first two albums would outsell your fave’s entire discography.

When she was 11 years old, she joined the cast of the Mickey Mouse club with Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera and Ryan Gossling, who would all go on to become superstars while Britney went on to have two albums that outsold your fave’s entire discography.

When Britney was 17 years old, she released her debut album, the first of two albums that has outsold your fave’s entire discography.

For the next decade, she would establish herself as a bonafide pop icon with two albums that outsold your fave’s entire discography.

Today she continues to record and perform, but now divides her time between hosting the American version of X-Factor and raising her two beautiful children --- one child for each album that has outsold your fave’s entire discography.

Talent & Musical Style

Britney is an amazing entertainer whose vocal talent is rivaled only by Aretha Franklin and whose dancing is rivaled only by Michael Jackson. As far as musicianship, she played piano in concert that one time on that one song so that makes her just as good (if not, better) than Stevie Wonder.

Impact/Achievements

As far as pop stars are concerned the only artists on Britney’s level are Michael Jackson and Madonna. Britney’s career has been one iconic and impactful moment after another. The schoolgirl outfit --- everybody wore one, the red latex catsuit --- everybody was wearing one. She’s such an iconic impactful icon with a lot of impact and iconicness.







Britney Spears
britneyhater.jpg

The Hater Version of the Truth

Artist Bio

Britney Spears was a popular American entertainer. It is presumed that in 2006 she either died or ran away from her money-hungry money record label and fled to Africa where she now lives quietly with the bush people of Botswana.

Her team had planned to announce her death and get those Michael Whitney Winehouse Jackson sympathy sales, but they realized that over the course of the previous years, something strange had happened. Although the millions of teenage girls who had stanned for Britney had moved on, their power-bottom younger brothers had found their thrown away CD's and became Britney stans themselves. Once Britney’s team realized there were hundreds of millions of dollars to be made from these cock-hungry pillow biters, they knew they couldn't announce Britney's death.

But how could they have Britney concerts, albums and videos without Britney actually there?

They called the people who made the 2Pac hologram and the people who designed the puppets on Sesame Street and, to make a long story short, for the past 7 years, the Britney we’ve seen on TV and in concert has been a series of holograms, life-sized puppets and body doubles.

That's why Britney is working on X-Factor where she gets to sit for most of the show (so you can't see Demi Lovato and Simon Cowell working the controls that make her mouth and eyeballs move.)

Impact/Achievements

Her complete and utter lack of talent has opened the doors for other untalented bimbos to be able to release albums and have armies of mindless tone-deaf teens and queens stan for them. I guess that’s impact.

Talent & Musical Style

Britney stains like to use her knee injury as an excuse for her current lack of talent. Let’s have a brief history lesson:

  • In 1990, Gloria Estefan was in a horrific bus accident, which fractured her spine and required extensive surgery and physical rehabilitation. Less than a year later, she was back on tour.
  • In 2007, Chris Brown twisted his ankle playing basketball or stomping Rihanna or something, yet he was able to do this:

chrisbrownflip.gif

  • In 2001, Usher fell in rehearsal, dislocated his shoulder and had to have surgery. Four months later he was doing this:

littlesuperstar.gif

  • In 2011, Beyonce was five months pregnant with our Savior and that whore was able to sing live, dance in heels and do this:

twerk1.gif

  • Madonna is 392 years old (I don’t even think she has knee caps anymore) and she still singing and dancing better than girls in their 20’s:

grandmausher.gif

Now, I’m not Dr. House and I don’t have Britney’s medical records and I know that not all injuries are the same, but the knee injury story sounds like yet another chapter in the Britney Spears Stan Big Book of Excuses to try justify why she currently dances likes Stephen Hawking and hasn’t sang live since the Clinton Administration.

And since refills on soft drinks are free, let me pour you some more tea:

She wasn’t that great of an entertainer to begin with.

siptea1.gif

Resources For New Britney Stans

Advantages of Stanning For Britney

Did I mention that her first two albums outsold your fave’s entire discography?

Disadvantages of Stanning For Britney

Britney doesn't sing or dance that much anymore (or show many other human attributes), so be prepared for a bunch stans trying to throw shade at Britney's current state.

She is a pop icon and she should get credit for time served, but in the fickle “What have you done for me lately?” stan culture some of Britney’s so called “fans” are quick to jump ship in favor of artists who are slightly more popular, but don’t have half of Britney’s achievements and impact.

Britlexia

How To Throw Shade Like A Britney Stan

I guess you could say something like “My fave’s first two albums outsold your fave’s…

You know what…never mind.


Britlexia

Britney Spears stans suffer from condition called Britlexia. Britlexia is a learning disability that impairs a stan's ability to understand simple logic and read basic English. Even though their reading comprehension is poor they are still able to read record sales, ticket sales, and can understand the word "sold out". This makes reading reviews and critiques difficult, but has no effect on reading 10-year old sales stats.

Example of Britlexia:

Read this paragraph:

Britney appeared last night in Atlanta as apart of a 100-date tour. She appeared three hours late and once she took the stage she drooled on herself, picked her nose, and flicked boogers at people in the front row. She also fell asleep 3 times and urinated on the stage. The sold out crowd, some of whom paid $500 a ticket, began to walk out within 20 minutes. It estimated that the tour will gross over $100 million.


This is how the paragraph appears to a person with Britlexia:

❚❚❚❚❚❚❚100-date tour ✤✶✷✸✹✺✻$500 a ticket❤❤❤$100 million.

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