Beyonce

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Beyoncé
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Beyoncé Knowles is an American R&B and pop recording artist, dancer, producer, songwriter, actress, fashion model, philanthropist, hair braider, weed seller, Mary Kay representative and real estate agent.

Contents

Artist Bio

Beyoncé was born September 4, 1981 in Houston, Texas. She was a shy and introverted child. The other kids hated on her because she was better looking and more talented (this would be a major theme of her adult life). She formed a singing group with her half-sister and their 2 tone-deaf friends. The first album was a moderate success on the Billboard Basic Bitch Charts. Their 2nd album made them a crossover success. One day the 2 tone-deaf broads decided they should have the same perks and privileges as Beyoncé despite not having the same level of talent (this would also be a major theme of Beyoncé's adult life). One Wednesday afternoon they called a meeting saying they wanted new management, By Thursday morning they were kicked out of the group and working at Hardee’s with 2 former members of Xscape. After adding and kicking out more broads, Destiny’s Child became the biggest selling female group of all time.

In 2003, Beyonce released a solo album and has been making basic bitches' lives unbearable ever since.

Iconic Moments

Beyonce has had a very eventful career, but these are the moments that had the greatest impact on the general public:

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Most Memorable Performances

Beyonce has performed on stages around the world, but these are the Beyonce performances that had everyone talking the next day:

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Performance Style

What Beyonce Haters Think She Does On Stage

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What Beyonce Stans Think She Does On Stage

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What Beyonce Actually Does On Stage

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Career Highlights

  • 16 Grammys
  • According to actual receipts made public by Billboard, Beyonce grossed $86 million on her "I Am…Tour". Pollstar announced that the "I Am…Tour" grossed $103 million based on actual reported dates and estimates on unreported dates. If this estimate is true, this would make Beyonce only the 3rd African American entertainer in history (aside from Tina Turner and Michael Jackson) to gross over $100 million from one tour.
  • Over $800 million grossed at the box office as an actress.
  • One of Rolling Stone's Greatest Artists of All Time
  • Ranked #3 on VH1's Greatest Female Artists (only behind Mariallah and Madonnasus)
  • Billboard's Female Artist of the Decade
  • Less than a year after its release, 4 was named one of Best Female Albums of All Time.
  • Became the first Black female to headline Glastonbury and first female artist in history to close the festival.
  • Set a record for the most Grammy wins in one night by a female artist and is the most nominated female artist in Grammy Award history.
  • Named "World's Most Beautiful Woman" by People magazine.
  • Reputation as a live performer, commonly referred to as the greatest entertainer of her generation.
  • Complex magazine called her "the greatest living performer"
  • Rolling Stone magazine said "B'Day sounds like it was produced by God and engineered by Jesus and Kanye."
  • Essence Magazine said "Beyonce's dookie smells like roses and vanilla bean cheesecake".
  • Performed at the Oscars three times in one night, was the first female artist since Whitney Houston to perform twice on the Grammys in one night, performed twice during the 2009 Inauguration for our first Colored president.
  • Her 4 studio albums have sold a combined total of 11 million copies in the United States and 27 million worldwide.
  • She sold over 200 chicken dinners and baked spaghetti plates to raise money so that the youth choir can go to King's Dominion this summer.
  • In August 2011, despite having 0 tweets and less than 2 million followers at the time, her pregnancy announcement set a record for the most tweeted about event (8,868 tweets per second).

Beyonce Stans

Strengths of Beyonce's Fanbase

Depending on high her singles are on the charts and whether or not her uterus is vacant, Beyonce stans can be a loyal, supportive and stable fanbase. Beyonce stans love her because she's inspiring and successful. She teaches them that if you work hard and have confidence in your abilities, you can maneuver through life with class and dignity and still soak up all that the world has to offer while still making ugly and disgruntled bitches seethe.

Weaknesses of Beyonce's Stanbase

Beyonce fans have a reputation for being caustic, mean, violent and just downright rude. This is true, but they are not the way they are for no reason. Whether fair or not, stans are seen as representatives of the artist they stan for, so it's easy to take your frustration at a fan base out on an artist and it's easy to take your frustration towards an artist out on their fan base and Beyonce stans have to bear the brunt of all frustration from stans of artists who are less talented or iconic. Beyonce has become a standard to which female artists are compared and this may be a difficult concept to deal with if you stan for a flop or an untalented industry skeetbucket. Beyonce doesn't have a reality show, she doesn't Tweet, WorldStarHipHop has no pictures of her twat and Jay-Z has never busted her in the mouth with a church sock full of quarters --- this is a very difficult image to sell to people who were not hugged as children.

The good sis Maya Angelou (legendary mother of the House of Angelou) said: "It is important not to make human beings into larger-than-life figures" because ordinary people will look at their lives as unreachable and impossible. So you see this woman who is rich, respected, famous, happy and confident, you may say "I can never be that. Let me find a way to bring her down to my level" or "Let me stan for an untalented, trashy, syphilitic coke-whore, because it's not as much to live up to." In a perfect world, people would look at Beyonce not as a challenge and but as an inspiration. No, you may not ever have Beyonce's bank account, looks, talent, success, respect or impact, but you can be the Beyonce of your own life. You can be the best teacher/doctor/lawyer/accountant/writer/designer/Target cashier/Chipotle burrito-roller you can be; and you can run the world in your own way.

See Also:

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