Basic Bitch

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Basic Bitches
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A basic bitch is an unimportant, miscellaneous, and mediocre female. A basic bitch is usually a female with no extraordinary talents or attributes. A basic bitch usually has no long-term ambitions or goals, and if she does she lacks the aptitude to achieve them.

The term "basic bitch" was popularized by comedian Lil' Duvall. Urbandictionary.com defines a basic bitch as:

  • A female who is boring, dull and irrelevant
  • A female who only goes to the library to check her Facebook page

A basic bitch in the context of music and music-related stan wars, is an artist (usually female) without a distinctive sound, look, or talent and as a direct result achieves very limited commercial success and usually does not rise above C and D-List celebrity status. Contrary to popular belief, not all basic bitches are untalented. There are a number of basic bitches who can hold a note, do an 8-count, or sell a garment; they possess talent, but nothing extraordinary to distinguish them from any random hooker off the street who can also sing or dance.

Contents

The Advantages of Being a Basic Bitch

The music industry is not a business of being talented, it's a business of being liked. In that regard, basic bitches will always attract a fanbase (albeit small). If someone medicore and mildly talented can become famous it gives other mediocre and mildly talented people hope that they too can make something of themselves. Basic bitches are simple and non-threatening which is why their fans gravitate towards them. The love between a basic bitch and her stans is more personality-based than talented based, so fans of basic bitches often mistake accessibility with ubiquity, and having a great personality with having great talent. In recent years, trying to make the distinction between talent and personality has been further complicated with the advent of Twitter and reality television.

The Disadvantages of Being a Stan of a Basic Bitch

There is nothing inherently wrong with stanning for a basic bitch, but problems arise when stans of Z-list artists try to compare to A-list artists. When you stan for a basic bitch, your favorite artist represents the person you are, relevant artists represent the type of person you want to be; because of this stans of basic bitches often downplay the success of the more talented and popular. All stans live vicariously through their favorite artist's achievements, but when you stan for someone who hasn't really achieved anything, stan wars can be very frustrating, especially when dealing with stans of artists who are more naturally talented and commercially relevant. Because of the competitive nature of stan wars, being stan of a basic bitch can be frustrating in several ways:

Lack of Uniqueness

The obvious disadvantage of being a stan of a basic bitch is that there is nothing unique or remarkable about the person that you stan for. All stans try to portray their idols as more talented and popular than they really are, but stans of basic bitches have it extra hard because there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about their favorite artist. Most icons and legends become iconic because they are marketed as unique and one-of-a-kind; but if I can find 12 of you at any WIC office, bus stop, or inner-city high school chorus room, your time in the spotlight will probably be short (if you get any time at all).

No Concept of Scale

Stans of basic bitches have no concept of scale. To them one #1 single on the coon stations = 10 years of worldwide success; opening for J. Holiday at the Bronner Bros. Hair Show is the same as headlining a soccer stadium in front of 50,000 people, and one BET Award nomination is better than 20 Grammy wins. Stans of basic bitches are not used to success, so they usually try to make small achievements 1000x bigger than what they are.

Lack of Promotion

Sometimes the problem with the promotion of basic bitches is not because of mainstream apathy, but the stans themselves. If the small fanbase you do have likes you for doing basic R&B or simple dance-pop, it may be too much of a risk to experiment with different genres of music. It may be hard to change your fashion style and wear haute couture when your fan base shops at Fashion Bug, and you can't create any elaborate creative videos, because your simple-minded fans would say you're a part of the Illuminati. Basic bitches remain basic because their fans lack the desire,exposure, and mental capacity to see them be anything other than basic. You could reinvent yourself and possibly attract new fans, or you could fail and lose what few fans you have; it's too much of a risk, so more often than not most basic bitches will forever remain basic.

The Basic Bitch Catch-22

You attract your fan base because you simple and non-threatening, but those same qualities cause you to blend in (and fade out) in the music industry. This is known as the Basic Bitch Catch-22. The Basic Bitch Catch-22 simply states that a basic bitch is a flop because she can't properly promote her music, but she can't properly promote her music because she is a flop. Award shows and TV shows are merely a reflection of what mainstream audiences want to see. TV producers want ratings, therefore they book artists who will attract millions of viewers around the world, not dozens of viewers in Georgia. Once you have established yourself as being basic unspectacular, and unpopular, TV producers are not going book you on their shows to be basic unspectacular, and unpopular.

Myths About Basic Bitches

"All She Needs is the Right Material and She'll Be More Famous"

Thinking purely from a publishing perspective, most songwriters want their songs to get the most mileage as possible. Each time a song is played on TV, film, the radio, or performed on tour, songwriters get paid. So if you were a songwriter would you give your best material to an A-List artist who gets played on the radio, goes on tour, and sells albums or would you give you your best material to a basic bitch whose albums gets pushed back for 12 years?

"All She Needs is A Vocal Coach"

Another myth perpetuated by the basic and uninformed. Vocal coaches won't turn you into Aretha Franklin anymore than a basketball coach can turn you into Derrick Rose. The job of a vocal coach is to teach you how to get the most out of your existing talent and not damage your voice (whether it's big or small). If your voice is naturally shitty and shaky all a vocal coach can do is teach you how not to damage the shaky-shitty voice that you have.

"All She Needs is $75 Until the 1st of the Month"

Most stans think that changing labels will magically turn their favorite flop into a worldwide megastar, but the odds of a basic bitch getting a huge budget and preferential label treatment is slim. Most basic bitches don't sell, and if you don't sell you don't get a budget, and if you don't get a budget for live performances, advertisements, and music videos it becomes even harder to promote, so you are back at square one (if you aren't dropped from the label altogether).

"She's Just Being Lazy"

Another common misconception with basic bitches is that they are just sitting at home doing nothing as their careers pass them by. In the simple minds of basic bitch stans, The VMAs, the Grammys, the AMAs, MTV, BET, and Animal Planet are all calling your favorite begging her to perform, but she is hitting the ignore button. Realistically, a basic bitch will jump at any opportunity to promote herself. She would go to the opening of an envelope if it meant she can get walk a red carpet and get mentioned on a blog. To put it plainly, basic bitches aren't wasting opportunities, they just aren't being offered any opportunities.

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